The Scoop on Standards
Updated: Jul 21
Recently, a screenshot of a guy getting turned down for an ice cream date made the rounds on social media. Apparently, the young lady in question was none too impressed with his "absolute bare minimum" (her words) proposition and declared that at the ripe old age of 26, engaging in this date would be "a waste of both [their] times since [they] probably don't have the same vibe."
For reference, here's the image as it appeared multiple times on Beyoncé's internet:
For the better part of the past three years, the internet has been overloaded with the topics of hypergamy, high-value dating, and raising standards, and once again we are peeking into the psyche of people who nickel-and-dime their dating habits. We have seen this before in the form of women explaining their refusal of coffee dates on YouTube and TikTok, assuming that if the first date isn't dinner at a Michelin Star-level restaurant then he must be a dusty, and even debating if bus drivers deserve a shot at love because of their "mediocre" profession (note: I don't believe for a second bus drivers are mediocre; they're actually quite lovely in my experience and learning how to properly maneuver a commercial vehicle through God-awful traffic is no small feat, thankyouverymuch).
On the whole, relationships are becoming less about connection and more about commodities. On the whole, popular culture has managed to boil them down into mere transactions, and we're encouraged to keep score on how much money is spent rather than how much connection is shared. It's no wonder then that so many of us who are dating and looking for actual love are having a hard time, myself included. I'm all for having standards, but when they cross into delusional territory we run the risk of excluding the very one who was ready to go all out for date number two and beyond.
To this situation specifically: she assumed that their vibes were off because she perceived his proposition for ice cream as bare minimum effort. However, did it occur to her that ice cream is the perfect low distraction and DELICIOUS vehicle for an actual conversation to take place? You know... to actually check the vibe?
Furthermore, I gather this was a first date. I speak from experience: nothing is worse than having to sit through a four-course meal with an actual dud. It's TORTURE. But coffee with a guy you're vibing with? That coffee date can turn into a day-long adventure that ends in the dinner you originally wanted (again, speaking from experience).
And fine, she has a right to her standards. However, any time someone has to preface what they have to say with "I don't mean to sound rude," chances are the words out of their mouth will indeed be quite rude. She made an assumption about his character while fully revealing her own... in which case yes. Their vibes did not match.
So sure: Baskin Robbin's isn't exactly a five-star dining experience. However, what if Michelle had rolled her eyes at Barack and walked away when he suggested they go for ice cream on their first date? She'd be kicking herself.
Don't blow your blessing because you're so busy sticking your nose up that you lose sight of the partner you've been praying for. Let these internet gurus have it and if you like the guy, give him a chance. Go get the damn ice cream and if worse comes to worst, you got a nice sundae out of it.